Saturday, September 4, 2010

God is Still Good

Since May, when our agency began having more approval problems, Brent and I have been praying that God would make His answers very clear in regards to our adoption difficulties. It is so hard to be left in limbo and confusion. After Gladney got the denial letter weeks ago, we knew that with an appeal process it would be very possible  for Mexico to drag things out for a long, long time- as in years. Yet, God in His sovereignty, has made His answer- at least that part of it- clear.

This past Wednesday we found out that our agency has received a second Denial for Appeal letter. Basically, the Central DIF will not allow them to appeal the original denial.

So, our answer is fairly clear now. For whatever reason, God has not seen fit to allow us to adopt from Mexico through Gladney. (Our agency is still holding out hope that they can possibly start the whole accreditation process over, however I feel doubtful that they would get approved after 2 denials on their record.)

Oh, it has been a sad, heartbreaking few days, don't get me wrong. (It's taken me 3 days to find the words to write this!) Our hearts are breaking over the loss of "our kids". Honestly, it feels the same as when we went through the two miscarriages in 2008. Kind of worse, though. What will happen to them? Will they be separated when the oldest turns 10? Will they ever have a loving family? Yet, God has given a peace that He will do what is good and right. That is all He CAN do! That is a comfort. And I can trust Him in that even if I don't ever know the details.

Surprisingly, after I had a good cry, I felt tons of relief. Relief that God is gracious enough to give us the answer now and not drag us through months and more months of misplaced hope.

We have no idea what that means for us, though. There is only one other agency in the US that does have Central Approval, however they are not having any success with adoptions anyway. It would be a huge gamble to switch over to them, and there are a few other details that are sending us red flags. This could mean that the opportunity to adopt in Mexico is no longer an option.

Brent and I both feel like God is telling us to just chill for a little while. Don't make any hasty decisions. Don't try to switch to another agency. Stay open to switching countries. Stay open to the idea that God has not called us to adopt after all. Stay open to whatever the Holy Spirit is telling us.

It's hard to do. In my flesh, I want to research, make phone calls, talk to the Embassy, call other agencies, network, look at other country requirements, etc. But I KNOW that we need to obey and just wait. Be quiet. Focused on hearing His voice and not my screaming emotions.

We, again, are praying that God would make His will for our next decisions about adoption very clear. We are humbly asking that all of you- our friends and family- would join us in this prayer.

-That our mourning will turn to joy.
-That "our chicos" would come to know Christ as their Savior so we can spend all eternity with them
-That we would not waste this setback by complaining, but would use it to proclaim His glory.
-That this time of waiting would be a period of spiritual growth and depth for our family.
-That we would not be hasty in any decision-even when our paperwork starts expiring.
-That we would be filled with patience and inner peace that defies understanding.
-That we would not be filled with fear in stepping out in faith again.
-That we would listen carefully to His voice and we would accept whatever He says with an open, submissive heart.
-That we can count it all joy to share in Christ's sufferings in this way.

Thank you for joining us in prayer. We are so thankful to be supported by so many family and friends who love us and want God's best for us.