Deep Breath....Here it goes...
We have some heavy news. It looks like our adoption may be coming to a screeching halt. At this point we seriously need a miracle. Here are the details:
As many of you know, we have been in the process of waiting for our agency to get accreditation from the Central DIF in Mexico City in order to be able to submit our dossier. This process of accreditation for our agency has been long and tedious and filled with broken promises from the Mexican government. Yet, everything seemed to be going well. Slow but well.
Until last week.
Last Wednesday I spoke to Beth, our social worker, who informed me that our agency's accreditation approval had been denied. Apparently, they were denied because they had listed several older waiting children on their website in hopes of finding them families. But this is against the new Centralization policy. So our agency got a denial letter stating that they cannot do adoptions in Mexico at all. It doesn't matter that they have written permission from children's govt. authorities to post the pictures. The Central DIF didn't ever ask questions or mention the policy in the past so it was quite a shock to everyone when the denial letter came.
Our agency held a conference call with the Mexico Program Families and let us know of the situation. They immediately submitted an appeal letter to allow them to explain the evidence, however there is no "appeal process". So we are just praying that Mexico will be gracious and hear the request. We don't have a whole lot of hope, however. They haven't been very easy to work with up to this point, and with all the political unrest with immigration issues between the US and Mexico, we kind of think this has been a factor in the decision making. Already, it has been ten days since the Central DIF received the appeal request and there has not been a single peep out of them.
So, at this point,we realize that unless God chooses to do a miracle, we have lost our chance to adopt "our" kids and quite possibly the opportunity to adopt in Mexico at all.
Sadness doesn't even begin to describe the range of emotions we've been experiencing the past week. We are full of confusion and heartbreak. We have already lost the first set of children we had fallen in love with, and now the thought of losing these three little sweeties is almost too much.
Actually, it isn't so much our loss we are sad about. We will move on with life., make decisions about the future and go on living with our four children here in relative wealth. Yet, our heart is breaking for these three children whose future is now very, very bleak. The oldest is turning 10 this fall and from what I understand, she will be too old to stay in her present orphanage. We don't know what will happen to her. Will she be sent to another orphanage? If so, not only does she not get a family, but she will lose the only family she does have- her brother and sister... Obviously, this devastates us. Thinking about it makes me cry. These kids have lost so much already. Now this?
We have done a lot of soul searching and crying out to the Lord, wrestling with Him over our sadness. We have run the gamut of emotions. At first we were in shock as we processed the information and implications.
Then the doubt set in.
What if God was closing the door to adoption? What if we really didn't hear God's call? What if it was really just our own idea? What if it was all an emotional response after the two miscarriages we had the previous year? Maybe it wasn't God's voice we heard, but ours? If that is so, then I don't know if I've EVER heard God's voice, because we thought the idea of adoption was so clearly His idea. Doubt. Doubt. Doubt Yuck.
Thankfully, God sent many strong, faithful friends to uphold us, pray with us, and encourage us when we were too weak in our faith to think clearly. Wendy, my dear, sweet sister in Christ encouraged me with the statement (I think it is a quote...)
"Do not doubt in the darkness what you have known to be true in the light."
That was so helpful. The tears started flowing again when she said it- balm to my wounded heart. It really refocused me when I was letting the enemy distract me with doubt. After thinking on that and God bringing Scripture verse after Scripture verse to me, I feel like we are heading out of doubt and into hope.
Then came the questions? What are our other options? There is only one other agency that is accredited to work in Mexico (yes, only one- can you believe it?!) And unfortunately they only work in the state of Taluca. And, they haven't received a single child to their program even though they've been accredited for over a year. So that prospect didn't look too hopeful. And there is no way we could still get "our" kids in Mexico City since they aren't approved there.
There is another agency, who is in the process of getting accreditation, which is still doing adoptions the old way- directly with the state itself. Not through the Federal level government. And, they are working in Chihuahua, which is where we originally had hoped to adopt from. Yet, this situation poses tons of risk. What if they get stuck in the same mess that our agency got stuck in with the accreditation? We could get all the way to the end of the process and the Central DIF could say it didn't count and nullify the adoption. So many questions and sketchy issues with this option.
Anyway, this is where we stand right now. We're overwhelmed.
Yet, through it we are trying to remind each other that God IS in control. He IS the One who gave us the call to adopt. We are certain of it. We are choosing to crush the doubt and confusion that the enemy wants us to wallow in. Our emotions are raw- yes. However, we will trust in His goodness and faithfulness. Whatever His plan is, we desire to follow it. WHATEVER. Even if it means we can't adopt "our" kids. Even if it means we can't adopt from Mexico. Even if it means we don't adopt at all. Believing that and saying it from my heart is easier some moments than others, to be completely honest. Yet, no matter how small our faith is at this moment, We choose to trust that He will always do good. Always.