A Sad Ending to the Year

Back in September we had found out that we were expecting baby #5. I think I mentioned that in the midst of our Whirlwind Autumn. The next few months were full of the normal morning sickness and tiredness. We did a lot of "sofa school" and cut out a lot of the extras- like cleaning and eating balanced meals! LOL! But, umm....no I'm not joking.

I have to admit that I kept my heart guarded from becoming too excited about this baby since we had just lost one at 16 weeks this past January. Mentally I knew I needed to get past that first appt where we hear the heartbeat and past week 16 before I could really get comfortable with the idea.

Well, at 13 weeks we heard the heartbeat with huge sighs of relief. My wonderful midwife, Evelyn, practically screamed as she cried, "PRAISE GOD". (I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to have a believing midwife!) I started to feel like everything was really "REAL". We went shopping for maternity clothes and started looking at baby stuff with the kids. We didn't buy anything for the baby yet because we were going to find out the gender and I wanted to buy just the right things.

I was due to have another visit around 17 weeks. I was really hoping to know by Christmas whether it was a boy or girl and I knew a sonogram wouldn't be able to be scheduled before then if I waited, so I was able to talk my midwife into letting me get a sonogram in place of my next appointment. We went into the sonogram with lots of excitement and anticipation, but as soon as I saw the tech's face, I knew. I knew that we'd lost this one too. They said that he/she had stopped growing around 13 weeks, so the day we'd heard the heartbeat could have been his/ her last. Sadness reigned. It was even harder to tell the kids since they had been so excited. Cait took it especially hard and we hugged and cried a lot that night.
But, the next morning is when all the real drama started. See, my midwife still wanted to see me the next morning, so we dropped the kids off at my mom's and headed over to Reisterstown. I had planned on just waiting it out and letting nature take it's course like last time, but my midwife really didn't think that was wise since last time I'd had lots of hemmoraging.

My head was spinning. I was still letting the whole death sink in and in 10 minutes I went from going home and letting things happen naturally, to having a d&c to having a d&e, to having to go through labor and delivery with pitocin (since I was so far along). Let me just tell you- I was overwhelmed. Labor and delivery is hard enough, but when you say the word pitocin on top of it, well, it just is enough to send me over the edge. And, I didn't know the doctor who would be doing all of this. (You have to understand- I balk at having a shot, much less all the intervention that forced labor would bring.) My midwife was trying to get in touch with her back up doctor so I could go straight to Mercy Hospital and just get it over with.
Brent and I headed to Panera Bread to get some lunch and wait to hear what time to report to the hospital. I couldn't bear to sit in her office with all the other largely pregnant mommies until the report came. We'll we waited for FOUR hours in that Panera Bread until finally I said, forget it- I'm going home. We can schedule it another day. Well, on the way home in the car, we finally get the call from the back-up doctor's office saying to come to Mercy RIGHT AWAY and I'll be fit in.
We arrived in Mercy and were whisked through registration (in the labor and delivery ward, of course), the nurse gave me a cup to pee in and said to get changed into a gown for my d&e. WHAT?! WAIT! What procedure am I getting? I asked to see the doctor before I did anything. The doctor was very sweet and kind but said that I was getting a d&e, not going through labor and delivery. Oh, and by the way, had I eaten anything?
Well, yes, I had just come from Panera Bread. Oh, boy. Since I'd eaten, I would have to wait until around 7pm that night to have the d&e. Ugh. I just wanted it all over. And sitting in the labor and delivery ward for the next 6 hours was not my idea of fun.
So Brent and I headed out to the car to get the laptop to kill time. As we were coming back in the doctor met us and said the plan changed again. (That's the theme of this story!) She was uncomfortable doing a d&e all by herself since I had the potential to hemmorage and there were no other doctors on staff through the night (talk about making me nervous!)so, I would have to spend the night and get the d&c at 6am or go home and come back at 6am.

I opted for going home. Soooo...EARLY the next morning (btw, we really hadn't seen the kids for 2 days now and I just wanted to be with them so bad!) we headed back to Mercy. I got hooked up for an IV and waited for the doctor. And waited. And waited. Then we found out no one knew WHO was going to do the procedure. I think about 5 different doctors' names were given to us over the course of the day-even though we'd seen no one. Then we found out no one knew WHICH procedure I was getting. D&C, D&E or Labor and delivery- each person said something different. Our confidence in the doctors and nurses was taking a NOSEDIVE.

Brent was totally losing his cool and I was very teary. The final straw was when some doctor came in all matter of fact and said he needed me to sign a consent form for my surgery. I said for what, and he said he didn't know! WHAT?! He didn't have a clue who I was, about my medical history or what procedure I was getting done!
I told him I wasn't signing anything and that I wanted to talk to the doc that was handling my care. He basically said that was impossible since that doctor was still at his clinic and wasn't scheduled to be at the hospital until 12:30pm. Then, WHY did I have to be at the hospital at 6am????
That was enough. Brent demanded an AMA (against medical advice) form and said that we'd lost all confidence in this hospital and doctor(s). We packed up our stuff and left. I was never so glad to be gone from a hospital in my life.
But, that still left me with how to deal with this miscarriage.... continued...