I think I shall call this day my Adoption Sonogram Day. Strange, isn't it. But that's exactly what I felt.
See, with adoption you still go through a pregnancy of sorts. It's funny how in the adoption community it is even called "being paper pregnant". And I totally get why! You should SEE this big, humdinger of a portable accordian file I carry around filled to overflowing with all our documents. I think it weights about 50 pounds- kinda ironic since I gained exactly 50 pounds with each of my pregnancies.
Of course, no one is allowed to actually carry the paper womb, because I WON'T LET ANYONE TOUCH IT! What if they drop it and the carefully filed papers spill all over the floor? Or they knock a glass over and spill something INTO it ruining our dwindling stash of 4 notarized copies of our homestudy (heaven knows I don't want to pay $35 more just to have a new one notorized by my agency!). Or, what if someone would forget this precious load and leave it sitting on the copier at the library and the librarian moves it to a nearby table just before they come to their senses and realize the horror. Oh, wait. That was me. Uh...
So ANYWAY (sorry, I was getting a little carried away. I'll get serious now.), in my last post, I mentioned that we had heard about another sibling group but we were struggling with the decision of whether to pursue them or not. When I say "we" I really mean "me" unless of course, the context really does mean "we". Got it? Good.
God met me where I was. And, as you could see from the previous post, where I was wasn't all that nice or pretty. I begged for peace. I pleaded for hope. Mostly I asked that I would just feel genuinely excited about these children. And God, the giver of all life, and breath and joy and peace was faithful. He, over the course of the past week or so, has drawn me out of many waters with His cords of love and has blessed me. He didn't have to. He could have made me linger in the depths of emotional mush, but when I cried out, finally empty of my self, He rescued me and showed me His will. And it is wonderful. Anyone who has wrestled with God over His plan for your life and has lost to such a worthy victor, knows what I'm speaking about. It is wonderful to lose my Self so that I can gain Him. His vision. His will. His joy.
I know I'm rambling again, so on to Adoption Sonogram Day...that is why you're still reading, right?
Today we had the awesome priviledge of talking to our children's orphanage director/caregiver on a conference call. I was armed with a list of questions for her and she answered as many as she was able. I can't tell you how exciting this was! All last night I could barely sleep from nervous excitement! The only thing I can relate it to is the feeling we had the night before a sonogram! Full of giddy joy over getting a peek into who your child is. A little nervous that the news might bring sadness, but mostly just utter excitement! This caregiver was kind of like our sonogram technician! She gave us a little glimpse into our children. What their personalities are, things they like, some of their actual quotes! To think that our children were probably playing in the next room the whole time we were on the phone! It went all too fast, as any sonogram does when you are gazing at a miracle, but I am full of joy anyway with the extra information we were given.
And, so many of the fears and worries that had plagued us over the past few weeks have turned out not to be major issues at all. Oh, it won't be a cake walk when we bring them home, but the future is looking a lot brighter. You have no idea how much I want to just spill the beans and tell all the details. The drama that pulls on your heartstrings. I'm normally a very transparent person. No secrets here. (Often, much to my 12 year old daughter's embarrassment..) But Brent and I haven't figured out how much of the information is the children's story to tell when they feel most comfortable and how much is our story too. So for now, we want to err on the safer side and respect their privacy.
I CAN tell you that the oldest is a beautiful 9 year old girl. I'll call her "F" for now. She is about a month older than Jake, which he's handling with much graciousness. Cait is beyond excitement with having a sister close in age so she can do girly things with. F is said to be shy at first, but once comfortable is quite outgoing. She is very motherly and looks after all the younger children in the orphanage as she is the oldest there. This is wonderful but we are trying to prepare Cait to respect the fact that F might not want Cait swooping in to mother the youngest little one since it has been F's role for so long.
"A" is a 7 1/2 year old boy, and oh, my does he look ALL boy. His ornery grin in the picture reminds me so much of my 3 rascally funloving boys. He'll fit in perfectly. He loves to bounce on the trampoline and all things to do with cars, which Quinn is quite happy about! He is very protective of the younger children and affectionate. His caregiver said he takes great pride in doing "grown up" chores around the home. I think having 3 brothers will be so good for him.
"B" is the youngest and just turned 6 in February. We keep teasing Quinn that he's going to have an international twin since their birthdays are so close and they are the same age. He likes the idea of having an international twin, but is disappointed it has to be a girl. Especially because in his mind, twins look alike! LOL!
"B" is the most outgoing of the bunch and is said to be happy and cheerful. She is adorable and I can't wait to do the little girl thing all over again with hair bows and baby dolls.
We asked the caregiver if they wanted to be adopted. In Mexico many of the children have the idea that they will eventually go home because often that is what happens. Many children aren't truly orphans, but are sent to the orphanage merely because the parents are too poor to care for them. The children live in hope of eventually going home. So we were curious about how these children felt.
The caregiver just laughed.
A week or two ago a staff person from our agency went to the orphanage to meet the children in person and videotape them (which we can't get the daggone dvd to play, grrr). The children weren't told that it was for adoptive purposes, though. They were excited to get the attention, but F was very curious why this strange American man was there to see them.
She put two and two together and figured out that it had to do with finding them a family. So every day since he left, F has come into her caregivers office and asked, "Have you found us a family? Are we going to be adopted by Senor John (our staff worker)? He is an American. Are we going to the US? How much longer till you find us new parents?"
Does that just rip your heart out? They want someone to love them so badly. I just want to jump on a plane and go get them right now! Forget the stupid International HAGUE Convention laws! These babies need a mom and dad! Now.
So having this little peek into our children's lives has made us very excited. We can't wait to meet them and love on them and fold them into our family. Up till now, Brent has been very even keeled and patient and is constantly telling me it'll happen when it's God's timing. I've been the impatient spaz case! But just like how he all of a sudden felt like a pregnancy was "real" when he saw our baby in the sonogram, today he admitted to getting antsy (NOT his word by any stretch of the imagination!) for us to go get them. It finally feels REAL today. We are adopting! There will be REAL children at the end of all this! Not just paper! LOL!